Above Ground Forum » Above Ground
edits for book 1
(1 post)-
I need to keep track of these someplace, so why not here?
Feel free to throw in your suggestions - anything you spot that doesn't make sense, that needs expanding, etc - because the more feedback I get, the better!
GENERAL COMMENTS
- Better explanation of the different factions, of the political structure above ground, and underground etc
- Explain levels of technology above ground vs. below ground
- More description needed esp. of the settings
- More characterization of Lilith - she should be reacting more, thinking about home, needs more of a reason to be engaged with her surroundings etc. More proactive.
- The two plot threads (Lilith and the corruption/politics of life above ground) need to be meshed betterPROLOGUE
- Tighten it, make it snappierCHAPTER 3
- Add in mention of Emma's sister LizCHAPTER 4
- Lilith should ask about law enforcement or other authority, who can help her. Probably want to go back to theatre area ?
- Silver should explain police / government / night huntersCHAPTER 5
- Lilith doesn't question why Sla'ik knows she is with a friend - should be more wary?CHAPTER 6
- "Poppet" too reminiscent of Pirates of the Carribean - pulls reader out of the storyCHAPTER 26
- Sam should accuse Lilith of being a spy of someone specific, this needs to be clearer
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